a life to be lived...

After a long leave of absence

2005-03-05T19:40:00.000-08:00

Amazingly a lot of people have asked me why I haven't posted in a long time.;.. Reason being.. There was nothing to post or I just wasn't in the mood... :)

Life has been good... No complaints... Family problems have come down to a minimum with the eventual "why are you so late?" lectures... Its amazing how stupid some people can be.. I think the best way to measure a persons 'idiotisy' is probably by counting the number of times they repeat a question... And imagine one person that asks the same question everything he sees you... What do you call him???

It seems like I lost touch with most of my friends abroad... At the same time BD has opened up a new chapter in my book...Life can be a lot of things and it can be monotonous as well...

I think Douglas McGregor said it the best "...To set your priorities and to achieve efficiency, you have to learn to say NO!!"

"when your not being centered to one object... You will be the center of other objects" if you can figure this out... Your golden...

Never is easy to be the Bigger Man...

2005-01-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

Ever seen those movies, where it begins my this guy talking in the background about something or the other...Lately that's been happening to me every time I am out driving... My head just floats away and thousand of thoughts just come RUSHING into my head all at the same time.. Even scenarios play back and forth again and again... For example, ever seen those guys who keep there high beam on just to annoy the car upfront....Well I have more than once in the last 3 weeks, and in my head I feel like Pressing the brakes hard and just ruining the guys head lights... I mean I can see almost every detail right down to me being thrown out of my own car played back in my head...
Ok fine this is a little out there but its just weird what goes through your head while driving...

Also, even had to be the bigger man in which case you had to take a "higher" road etc etc... I HATE being the bigger person! I just hate it as all it is saying is, your having to give up something you want, badly I might add... You get nothing out of being the bigger person, there is no value for it...Yes maybe an once of feeling Good momentarily but after a while, your wishing you hadn't been the bigger person! And your miserable all over again!!

Its no wonder why they say "Nice guys finish last.." Its totally true... People expect you to be good, you are good..that's it... You get no satisfaction, no nothing....Strange I tell you, or more like unfair?!

Cheers!!

PS: For those of you who think I am goonna crash... Haha Very funny guys...

another day in life...

2005-01-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

It seems like everyday of my life can be completed by a sentence or even 2 words... "So hey what did you do today?"...Reply "O' Nothing...”

The last 2 weeks that have gone by that supposedly I was supposed to be in vacation, I have spent the days and passing night, either shopping, for someone else I might add or attending family dinners which isn’t as glamorous as it sounds....

A week later I have to go back to BD and start my university again, and truth be know, I have never been so uneasy about it... A lot of the times you just seem to stare out into no where or nothingness (as some once put it) and find a buddle of thoughts that haven’t been ever fulfilled...

I know people say, "stick it out", "there are worst things in life"...what does that mean...does that mean i should worry about whats to come and not give a thought to what is now? And if I do that, how do I know when I am supposed to worry about it...You just end up worrying about something that will never come...If that’s the case I rather worry about 'what is' rather that 'what is not'...

A day goes by, a week goes by...and it never seems to change much... When someone said time heals all, they were talking biologically...

Get well soon...

2004-12-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

I was watching this movie, "Get well soon" [yes I was that bored] and its basically about this guy, who loves someone but doesn't get the love back from her and hence is depressed...
Yes your average love sick guy story but in this movie the guy holds the girl responsible for his Depressive state...

Yes not a big thing, but I was just thinking... I am in somewhat of a similar situation...Can I blame all the times of depression on her? No I cant....

Sometimes I think I should just go up to her and BLAB all of it out... Just go up to her and say it ... "________ I love you"...See what I mean even now I am scared to take her name....

haha O well there goes that idea...

Cheers...

Something from the heart...

2004-12-26T11:48:00.000-08:00

A friend asked me today if I had someone special...And out of nowhere all this came out...It was an interesting read for me after I wrote it! And it was as from the heart as anything else....

if love was meant for me, I would have found it by now... So I don't look I
don't search instead I reside in my own world where there is bliss, peace and love for all sorts of people not only one...

Cheers...

a place for class of 2002 to post

2004-12-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hey Students of BIS Class of 2002...

If any of you guys are reading this post, we made a new yahoo groups for our class
the address is

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jinxedbyjello

It started as a tribute to Mrs. Jean but me and Lulu figured its a great place for the gang to hangout online..neways

Cheers!

Home is where the heart is....

2004-12-22T06:11:00.000-08:00

So I am back home....aka Parents apartment! Its kindda funny that the place I consider home is in Canada, and the place that is home is where I am and the place that I have to call home is in BD....

Its so different here, I actually am enjoying the time out from life as not many people get a time out, specially from LIFE!!! And I don't mean I have died and will be reincarnated in a week or 2, or ANYTHING scary or spiritual like that...But what I mean is, I can wake up in the morning, not worry about what I have to do (as I have NOTHING to do) and clear my mind as I know my parents are around to help me through any problems I might get into....
I don't know how many people feel that but parents are such a blessing in ones life...Even if you consider the security you get when your around them!!!Anyways...NO I am not a deprived child you evil people!

A friend of mine told me that she read part of one of my blogs and stopped reading half way as she thought that what I wrote was too personal to be giving it out this publicly...Now I can understand why someone would say that but her question came to mind as its amazing that so many people tell you..."Your pretending", "Your lieing", "I don't know you" and so on...Well this blog is a me! True most of the blogs are moments of thoughts that lasted for as long as it takes to finish a POLO..(the mint with a hole :D)...But anyway...Plus most of my private thoughts are still in my head...Sorry folks there are still something that cannot be said...;)

I actually feel a great relief now that I am back home, the day goes by without a worry in my mind...Haven't had that in a VERY LONG TIME...The thought that comes to my mind is...Life is so short, and yet we spend it on such trivial matters and worries that shouldn't have been a problem to begin with.. Yet knowing this...We still do it...hmmmmmmmmmm

Why is it that people always take there own side rather then the right side???

2004-12-15T05:28:00.000-08:00

Well I am in a state of being happy and sad at the same like, like my good buddy Vinu back home.... Ironically I wasn't born there but somehow Canada Seems more home to me then anywhere else...

Anyway, the reason I am happy because of my cute little cousin brother, Musfiq or as I like to call him "Paetu"... I tell you folks there is nothing more relaxing then watching a baby sleep (other than the fact that when he wakes up he's going to make everyone life busy..hehe but still "he's one bright light in all the darkness around me"...As that old saying goes....) The whole of the last 2 days I spent either putting him to sleep or making sure he doesn't fall off the bed!! He's baby smile is what gets me the most....Someone he is a little devil but yet manages to make me smile after causing calamity around the house!

My granddad(God rest his soul) always told me never come back to BD permanently, I never got why he said that, always thought it was because of the corruption and all, but the things that have been going on lately made me see what he truly meant by that....It really sucks when disputes between old rivals come down to the children....Both sides are confused of what to do but there is always an elder in the back ground going "BAD!", if you get what I mean....

But you know what...Life is only as bad as you perceive it....When you believe there is nothing wrong, not much can bother you...But when you get something stuck in your head that something is wrong....No matter how many ways you try to correct it, your still wrong....Right?! ;)

Anyways that's all for now...

Cheers peeps...

2004-12-13T04:01:00.000-08:00

The whole day goes by and I think about things to write in my blog, but when it comes down to it....I always end up blank.....

I guess when you don't have made up problems in your life...Things are easier....The whole day goes by with one or two worries for me now adays.... It seems like yesterday when my day was spent trying to figure out things that never should have been in my head in the first place...But things are good now....I guess I can say I am at peace...(LIKE FINALLY AYE!!!)

There is one person though I still think about...Day or night...She never seems to leave my head....I wonder why its so....She's so far and yet she seems so close...The flicker of her hair....The smile on her face, sometimes, or should I say most of the time, still haunt my long sleepiness nights....But then again what's new....

O well enough with the mushy stuff.... Life here is not really different from life anywhere else when lived with family...When you live alone its you and your friends, you have no responsibilities towards anyone so you live it all....When with family you have obligations to them even if they were never told to you....So living with these obligations is kind of hard but am getting use to it as the days goes by....I came to this country thinking I will spent 6 months maybe an year then go back to the home of Toronto Maple Leafs (YAH BABY!!!)...Somehow I don't see that happening anymore...I guess I will eventually go but its gonna take time....
Ironically, family is what I craved for as my whole life was deprived of it, now I know that I do like a family....Just not mine hehe, naa I am kidding...My family is pretty cool, most of them anyway but well lets just leave it at that....

What else cant be said...I guess nothing much... I am sorry to hear about my friends back out there in the west...Most of them are having a hard time...Hang on there guys, things will look up...

blank...blank...blank

2004-12-12T02:04:00.001-08:00

So finally i got some time that i can dedicated to writing this blog......I think for the first time i can say that i am living a relativly normal life....no going crazy, no partying, no running away to places...but just living life like you average joe...

My finals are going on right now....thats the only new thing right now...

Can you believe i been sitting here for 5 minutes and cant think of anything to write!!!

I have learnt this that people in bangladesh really know how to make a relationship work... Back in the western world, everyone seemed to be following a certain algorithm:

make out,
break up,
repeat;

Over here i have respect for those who go out as they make the commitment and they stick to it....and they seem to love only one girl... (ya i know guys, WOW!)

Neways will write more when i know more...

Laterz

blank...blank...blank

2004-12-12T02:04:00.000-08:00

time may heal all things but not stubborn people...

2004-11-30T19:42:00.000-08:00

My friends ask me how dont i have things to say anymore....how come i dont talk as much anymore...what can i say....

The only explaination i can give right at this moment is before my mind use to be clusted with thoughts...thoughts of what was a mystery even to myself....its like the thoughts where entangled stings trying to untie itself....

some thoughts use to manage to be entangled but others werent so lucky....but now a days it seems that the minds a blank, only with the thoughts of Statistics, Economics and Accounting....
(Which would explain my constant rambling on with my Dads brother about the economy.)

I had a fight with my Uncle a few days ago about me staying out late (and i use the word "Late" very loosely over here as late meant sunset) I havent spoken to him since neither have I even seen his face which is very weird since we live right on top of each other....

I wonder who ever gives power to people to take discissions for us....I was told since i was a child that i am supposed to follow instrutions from older people, so far all the instrutions that i have been given was in a fair bases, but what do we do when the instrustions given to us is plane Stupid....Life mush have more to offer but man WHEN will it offer it!!!

We are all supposed to have an equal share of happiness and sadness ( so i been told) so my question is how much longer do we have to wait for perfect happiness to come alone...Dont get me wrong, i am Glad and Thankful for all God has given to me...and its a lot to be thankful for, but then why do people always come along and ruin it for someone or the other....It takes a hand ful of people to make you life full of smile and amazingly one to ruin it....

Neways Yawn...tired gtg

Cheers....

Families....

2004-11-24T21:10:00.000-08:00

My whole life I pretty much lived alone, no family no nothing....I always had the notion that big families are fun, as you get to talk to them have fun with them and friends would be something you just have for a past time...

Man was I WRONG....Usually when families are understanding and "up to date" in other words have an open mind, they are very cool to live with, but when your family is composed of narrow minded, egotistical, and something which can only be described as old fashioned.....WHAT DO YOU DO.....

Yes most of you wouldn't know what I am talking about, but those of who are do live with joint family might have an idea about it...

Its true life is lived best when your alone, and friends are around...Friends might never give the best advises, but they don't pretend to care about you when they really don't, whereas families have this tendency to show "I care" at the same time take no responsibilities for everything you do...They are only offended when you do something harmful in there eyes......

Man the world is so screwed up...
Latez.....

Exercise is another way to kill time!!!

2004-11-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

Well Eid is Over, so is dewali....So once again Happy Eid and Happy dewali....

Unlike some people, I cant and DON'T want to write about what I did the whole day so instead I am writing about what I have done in the whole month! haha Just kidding don't want those of you who dared to read this, to fall asleep...

Well eid was fun, went out with a couple of friends, Got a pack of cigs and smoked the day and night way....First in a pool hall, then at a club...

**side note:Clubs don't mean the same thing in BD as they don't in Canada....Clubs is a place where you can Chill...Without the alcohol or drinks but apparently a lot of smoke, and Pepsi with lemon***

It seemed all to sad for such a glorious day to go to waste....But it did!!

The only thing good about the whole eid experience was that I got to see a lot of my family....And family matters right?! (Specially when I have never had eid with them for the last 13 years..EEK!!!)

I did meet Bizu again, and yes her eyes are WOW again...But apparently she hates it when someone compliments her eyes...Wow...Again...

O yes for my friend circle back in the west....Made a lot of friends, If I had to name a few it would be Tami, Adel, Samira, Adeep, Rumi and the list goes on and on and I doubt you want to hear about it all....

Anyways until next time...

Cheers..

O yes Who believes that "its better to know and forget, then not know and stay Fixated" when it comes to crushes!!!!

A day to remember?!?

2004-11-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

Today was kindda a big change from my average day....One because I just got on a bus and never asked the conductor to stop at any place until I realized a whole 3 hrs later I was back to the place I started....(Round trip you know)...Solitude is good, but it needs a certain mood tuning...If you know what I mean....

But anyways there was this all you can eat pizza hut offer and I thought why not go rob them of there riches...But instead because of my stupid cousins " I shall make no plan" attitude, he forgot to book us a table...So ended up smoking the night off at "El Toro" A Mexican restaurant...The food was good but since I was fasting the whole day! NOT ENOUGH!!! haha....But the pack of smokes filled up my stomach pretty good....

I haven't smoked in ages, don't know why I started again....When to play pool after ages as well, and thanks to my friends back in Canada....No one was able to beat me....(thanks for the "Take that extra second" talk guys! CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!)

Well YES bought a Punjabi (for those who don't know what that is, its this traditional clothing. Think of a long length shirt cut on the sides from the waist down. A better explanation, try google :D)....Neways that's about it for today

Later

2004-11-10T02:57:00.000-08:00

Well holidays are here....Usually people leap for joy at the fact that FINALLY we get a break, for me I have to ask the question that what am I going to for the next couple of days...

Yes life has come to a halt once again....

Seems like the only things worth in life anymore is the sunrises and the sunsets....The rain drops on my face and yes the 90% average grades haha.....

O well life isn't all that bad... Its a lot different from Canada... A LOT different... You don't find your favorite type of vegetable all year around...You have to go with the flow if you know what I mean.....

But university life isn't that different really....There are those guys who never study always hangout, and there are those that never seem to finish studying..... There are those one of 2 girls that everyone seems to be after.....And yet no one really likes.....So on and so on......

Well I am going to end it here...For the first time I am out of words to say.... Cheers to all

Happy dewali, and an Eid mubarrak to the rest....

Defining life...

2004-11-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

How does one define life? Everyone has a different of defineing it, right? So what is mine? Lately i got thinking and thought that i define my life by what i do the whole day. So what happens to my life when what I do the whole day becomes a routein...a constant...??? Does that mean my life has come to a 'stand still'? If so, isnt the terminology of life say that life goes on? Or are these 2 terminologies differnt from one another...So that now you have one word describing 2 very differnt situations... Right?!

Lately it does seem that life has come to a stand still. I do the very same thing everyday...nothing spontaneous...everything is 'planned'...Is this how its gonna end for me? I dont see any route of excape....so whats going to happen?

A million questions to which i dont have the answers to....Sometimes it seems that life has to be this way...but then how so? I enjoy the little things in life as i never do get the big things in life....so my question is, where are the little things now? Has my life been deprived to such an extent that the only satisfaction i am supposed to get is from my exam grades? Is that it?!?!

State of confusion...YES!

Something....

2004-11-08T19:27:00.000-08:00

How many of us have looked into a girls eyes and went "Wow"...And I don't mean because your in love with her but rather because her eyes are so enchanting that you just cant help but stare....

Few days back my friends introduced me to this girl, Bizo, and right then her eyes where the first thing that caught my eye... Its so hard to explain..But all I wanted to do is take my camera and take pictures of her eyes!!

don't get me wrong, Bizo is a very attractive person, but her eyes are the what stands out of her the most!

I know most people will find this vague but I still say...Hey eyes....WOW!!

Cheers!!

getting use to things

2004-11-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

When I came to bangladesh, I thought it would be easy to get use to things, it turns out its not so much....
I mean in Canada, I had to do everything and i MEAN EVERYTHING myself as i had no one else to do it for me, here its like there are people who ask me every 5 minutes if i need anything, there is allways food in the fridge (unlike my "most of the time" empty fridge back in Canada....) and what not....Yet I miss it so much...

I guess I got so use to the fact that, I want to be alone and on my own, I do love the whole family thing true, but i just would like to be in a place where i can hear my self thing again haha....

Man the place i live here is like a fish market, there is a mosque and a temple like less than half a mile away from each other, and always after an Call of prayer, there is a Ringing of bells in the temple...and not to mention the constant ringing of "Rickshaw" bells and car horns!!! Man No wonder its fun to be deaf here!!!

A first step...

2004-10-31T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well let me begin this like I usually do,
Hey...

(Black thoughts)

I would "this is my first post and I have no idea what to write" but that seems so trivial....

Well I am fuad....I live right now in Bangladesh althou my life has lead me from place to place and to even more places....I been to Saudi Arabia, Canada, America...
This blog idea is pretty cool....Thoughts, ideas, everything placed into one...

I have to say most people that know me, thing they know me but truth is they don't! haha but I like them to think they know me..You know ....

yah I am confusing like that...

Neways before I go on confusing who ever dared to read this

Will be coming out with interesting news soon...

Latz, and peace out...